@potatobugsplit's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
-
-
-
This Twitter Shit is too easy. Unfunny, but too easy. It's the perfect formula for unbridled dysfunction.
-
If it wasn't for dark & truly fucked up humor, many people wouldn't have a disturbing voice with almost 4,000 followers.
-
-
I don't believe that life is always beautiful, but I do believe it always beautiful to be alive.
-
Every intelligent person understands that there's something wrong with them.
-
It's kinda fucked up about how you think of a really cool Jazz chord progression when you start retweeting people.
-
In case you wish you were Canadian, they still call it "The Twitter" on the national newscast.
-
Cop sext: I should arrest myself for what I'm about to do to you.
-
It's a 5 day work week. Remember to pace yourself.
-
Damn shawty, is your name baseball? Because you're not interesting at all
-
Just take a deep breath & prove them all wrong.
-
You'd think more women would object to the long putter being banned.
-
Alright, I've lost myself to dance, now what?
-
Dunno why anyone would want to take anything said in twitter, as serious.
-
My new invention, the Rayzunator, is a weapon that transmogrifies people into raisins. It comes with an orangutan to eat the people-raisins,
-
I taught her how to get pine sap off her feet, and she showed me how to spike a tennis ball with a screwdriver to blow the locks on a car.
-
U want Retweets? Ur TL has 0 RTs & is mostly stolen quotes. Every1 of ur many pictures is a Selfie. U r not a Tweeter, you're a Cyberbator.
-
-
-
-
Slightly hungovery-headachey. Wife took her happy-ass to gym. Stepped in dog shit, can't find smokes. Some ugly fuck in mirror. Back to bed.
-
And then there are those who retweet bitter and mean tweets. WTF.
-
You want to start slinging emoticons? Bring it. I will smiley face the shit outta you.
-
One time a gave a woman an orgasm by.......... Who yelled "bullshit"?
-
List of chores was made for me for this weekend. Get'n fucked up by the fire pit and shooting off explosives is suspiciously absent.
-
-
-
it's cute how people get mad when you hold them accountable. and underwater.
-
A mediocre joke. Ruined. HIM: It's always 5 with this clock. ME: It's always 5 somewhere. HIM: It's always 5:30 somewhere, too. ME: ...
-
"Question 567: Would you describe the ensuing shit tsunami as a) pleasant b) tolerable or c) indescribably cool?"
-
They wandered in the forest till they ran into a white haired man with a smile face who beckoned them to join him on his idiot log. They did
-
It's MY garden. Those squirrels are OUT of luck! Narrows eyes* Gardens, are NO place for your nuts! What? Wait. Thinks* Whatever. Send.*
-
If you are clear about who you are as a person, other people's behavior can not affect you.
-
I just read some of my tweets to my dog and now I can't get her out from under my bed.
-
this patrick star meme has me thinking: it might be time to burn the internet down and start fresh
-
How long do I have to talk into this banana before Starbucks gives me a better price.
-
I'd rather lift someone up than put them down.
-
Sometimes I drink a Gatorade Perform when I've done nothing athletic so I get it, Lance.
-
I'm always grateful when I can't find the bathroom I keep searching for in my dreams.
-
'I don't think there's a place where people understand loneliness more than here.'
-
No one ever became something great tearing others down. True greatness is realized by expressing your creativity.
-
Your tweets make you sound like a decent, nice, intelligent, kind person. WTF Over!
-
I'm practicing my chi control by using my subtle body to interact with my touchscreen. And my vibrator. And the remote. And my chi-chis. :-D
-
Never underestimate the devastation a small rubber ball can do in a shopping mall when you throw it hard in any direction.
-
No worries all, I have enough love in my heart to drown out the noise of the ignorant.
-
Sorry, but I'd like a handshake just like everyone else, sir. This exploding fist pump is unacceptable.
-
being angry is convenient when you really really don’t want to be sad and when a platypus isn’t telling you life will be okay.
-
Current status...Being outsmarted by a window shade
-
Sure, I'll follow. Just for shits, giggles and curiosity of how quickly you'll unfollow to keep your numbers high.
-
Well you see officer, I was listening to NPR's interview with Matthew McConaughey when.. Say no more sir. Its obvious who is at fault here.
-
dont underestimate the power of me thinking you're a weirdo for liking my tweet
-
I starred your stupid tweets. Now you star mine. That's how it works, right?!
-
If I accidentally fav myself, will I look like a douche if I take it away?
-
Making an effort to be more present is a gift to those who need you most
-
Take a deep breath.. we're all in this together.
-
You guys need to stop pretending dave matthews is good. We've let him believe it for long enough.
-
I joined a bridge club yesterday, we jump off next Thursday.
-
Never thought I'd ever see so many people afraid of an application, a game. I'm so sorry.
-
Of course, I know what carbon dating is. That's Match .com Oh, no, wait.. I was thinking sulphur.
#ftwot#funnytweetsontwitter -
“People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel” ~Irwin Federman ♥
-
As the captain triumphed over his stutter, the obvious was gradually stated.
#ftwot -
I don't get even with people that have wronged me. I get even with the people that have been good to me.
-
Be nice to me & I'll let you touch my magic bean.
-
I dreamed I discovered a group of winged people and I trained them to be an elite squad of mall security guards. I need better dreams.
-
I’ve been a lifelong supporter of gender equality. Our treehouse was among the first to admit girls.
-
Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.
-
turtles are just frisbees with feet
-
Oh No..I don't give advice to any of you,I just soliloquize. Moreover,the road to hell is paved with advices.
-
Was psyched to download the 'satan' browser. Musta been blurry misread because I got safari.. My devil's workshop will have to wait.
#tbot -
I raised the roof. It left home. Everything got ruined the first time it rained.
#tbot -
It’s all good. It’s also other things.
#tbot -
Was a country bumpkin munchkin blumpkin luncheon in the forest scene, but got cut from movie courtesy of the PMRC, Tipper & Dorothy.
#tbot -
May a quesadilla’s unconditional love be the pre-assembled, post-IKEA idea serving you today.
#tbot -
TSA. The good, the bad & the butt-ugly. Good news: Anal cavity searches off table for now. Bad news: Moving to countertop instead.
#tbot -
Game has 2 sorority sisters trying to get ping-pong ball into ice chest using swim flippers. Seems unfair they let pros on the show.
#tbot -
"Learn from the mistakes of others ~ You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." ~ Martin Vanbee ♥
-
Let me check my priorities: People before machines; Children & aged before us; Beauty before pretty; Listen to the hurt; Be kind & play nice
-
Damn Typos and Auto-Incorrect and the government and incorrectly battered fish.
-
I mean, how hard can home brain surgery really be, amirite?
-
Just over here, maintaining my dragononymity.
-
So it's agreed then. Static electricity is def the conduit to telepathy. Har har har. That's a good one, Kenny. Fucking spaz.
-
Five. Five flusher. Five flusher footlong.
-
I'ld like to give myself a pat on the back, but I can't because I'm not talking to myself. We had an argument.
-
Ur @'s the same, u changed your Avi (different face-wow!), ur bio, background & handle. I'll keep following, who the hell are you?
-
Some things I hate, in honor of Monday: Picking wilted lettuce out of the sink. Small clothes hangers that give my shirts shoulder nipples.
-
Just found another Tweet sent to my Drafts Folder. What's up Twitter? You jealous or something?
-
Tweet anything real on here,& people pause. For the record, I have nothing to hide but unnecessary bullshit. There is truth in morbid comedy
-
Hey, let's eat a sandwich before sex. Then we can just lay there afterwards and burp.
-
I was going to live tweet this Tom & Jerry cartoon where a deranged monkey painter caused a zoo panic by painting Tom as a tiger, but nah.
-
SUBWAY SANDWICH ARTIST. Sorry, thought you wanted it toasted. DOLORES. (Gravely.) It's over now. There's no reason to talk about it.
-
"I'm pretty sure that girl behind me just clapped in joy as she pulled her car into this Taco Bell drivethru" - girl in car in front of me.
-
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” ― Jim Morrison ♥
-
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." Fuck that, get out of my life.
-
Walked into the sauna at the gym and said "man, it feels like a sauna in here" I was the only one that laughed.
-
i learned quickly that you say ok when someone asks how you are and not numb
-
Lower your expectations. It makes for a better time.
-
We could have had it all except my data plan doesn't include ear buds.. .
-
Kids today will never know the joy of putting a Metallica cassette tape into a Teddy Ruxpin...
-
sometimes I star your tweet just to give you a hug
-
Everything that happens is subject to your interpretation of it. Take for instance your timeline, it makes me believe you are a douche.
-
Nope,I'm not married cuz I believe in preventive medicine.I'm not saying that marriage is something not wise. Science call it ignorance risk
-
It's unfair that in near future hasn't invented the time travel & my future self can't send me help.~Random thoughts in front of ATM machine
-
I love it when they delete the @ of our conversations & make me look like as if soliloquize (something which is not very far from the truth)
-
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
-
I'm Canadian, but not.... How do these things go again?
-
Internet was down for a while but now I'm back to join the crazies .......
-
It's common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.–F.D. Roosevelt ♥
-
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” ― J.K. Rowling ♥
-
Never take anything too seriously.
diva devo
Jesus Jaramillo
James
Tanya Johnston
indie claws
Terdoh
Sly
Acheeseball
Miz Jules
gordon
madmax thompson
Evil Schwartzie
Madame LaCrooz
Scott Taylor
Vandal
Gone
blunder rated
Nickels
freckle face
Not Silvestri
Life Sucks
Hushpuppy 5¢
Dusty Hume
PrincessCandyEmpire
Rusty
Dolores
VirgoSherry
ClumzyVixen
Cat From Nowhere
Aldo
Tammy
roввyroв
Mytwoscentz
BatshitDamma
The Dork
C C
Vocally Harsh
KaratCake
Lilly
Emily Gray
Trademark™
Theodora Chester
LoveScopes
The Amiest Amy
missingblakes
System Failure
Rainbow Brite
Lolly Sassafras
Rotusbrossum
Don Pearyawn
Whiskey Tits
Cheeky F. Skarsgard
aGirlNamedNikki
Copulaterman
Celeste Riley
Mommy_P
Rockin The Minivan!
Lynne Caban
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 3:42 PM
0 Comments
